Heat and temperature writing.

WALT: Inform the reader about what you are writing about.

I can...	my comment:	buddy comment:	teacher comment:
state the main point in the first part of a each new paragraph	I have tried to achieve this but I am not sure weather I have achieved this or not.	I like the way you used lots of description in your writing :Kobe	You have tried to start with main points for each body paragraph.
include evidence (facts, experiments etc) to support my main point	I think I did well at this and I have tried hard to get my voice to come through.	I like this because you writing is brilliant so your voice must come through very well. :Kobe	I really like your examples and how your writer’s voice and sense of humour is coming  through in all types of writing.
explain the evidence and how it proves my main point	I had trouble doing this and it is the hardest to do but I think I have achieved this.	I like the way you have tried and you have not just given up on this.	You have tried to explain how/why your example proves your point - this is really tricky, well done.
Practise writing a linking sentence to my next paragraph	I think I need to work on linking my writing between paragraphs	I like the way  your ideas link in you paragraphs. :Kobe	Your ideas link in your paragraphs.A next step is linking between paragraphs.
infuse style: topic-specifc vocab, second/third person, present tense, transition words	I think I have done well but I need to work on this a bit more.	I like the way you admitted that you had to work on this and I agree with you! :Kobe	Great style. I wonder what other transition words. from the list you could use in an explanation?

We had to write a description about some sort of energy. I chose to write about heat and temperature and how they cannot be the same. I hope that my writing informs you of how heat and temperature are not the same and you like the strong language that I have been learning to use. Here it is.

The question is, are heat and temperature the same thing? Well they utterly most definitely cannot be! Heat and temperature are different in many ways but we sometimes overlook that. In this explanation I only tell you about some of them.

Everything is made out of tiny little things called atoms. The atoms in heat are very excited and when they touch another object the atoms in that object have a party. That is how some objects change form. When they get excited they heat up just like your body does after you have been running.

Heat, (for a starter) is warm energy. For example, the sun has lots of heat energy which travels to earth on a wave called a heat wave. On an extremely hot day if you carefully look just above the ground you may see a fuzzy, wobbly little line. This is a heat wave. On a cold day you simply cannot. A heat wave is called a HEAT wave because it is extremely hot. This means that heat energy is hot as well. We know this because temperature is a way of measuring this warmth (and coldness).

Temperature is a way of measuring heat energy. A thermometer is something that tells you the temperature. Here are two picture's of one.

A.

 B.

Thermometer A is at a high temperature. You can tell this because the top of the coloured area marks what the temperature is and the higher the top is the hotter it is. Thermometer B is at a low temperature because the top of the coloured bit is very far down. If you count the little lines from the bottom up to the top the coloured bit then add on a ºC to the number you counted up to then you will have what the temperature is! For example, if you counted 18 little lines then the temperature would be 18ºC. ºC means degrees celcius.  If you have a fever you use a thermometer to tell how sick you are. Again the higher it is then the hotter you are and the hotter you are the sicker you are.

So therefore heat and temperature cannot be the same thing because temperature is a way of measuring wam heat energy and cannot be the same as heat.
I think I have done well and achieved the success criteria but I could improve on my links.